Daily writing prompt

What’s something you used to worry about but don’t anymore?

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Creating certainty.

I spent so many years trying to create certainty in my life, and it all ended up in the same place no matter how hard I tried.

It’s a shitty way to move through life, expecting commensurate effort to produce commensurate rewards. Many of us will strive, grunt, and sweat trying to make something of ourselves and still end up in the bottom of the trash heap.

I don’t say this to wax poetic about the darkness of existence. Still, in my experience, it is simply the truth of my experience, and in recognition of others who have fought with every fiber of their being to end up treading water.

There are no guarantees in this life but death and being exploited for your blood, sweat, and tears when it comes to suffering. We can only hope along the way that we’re set with a decent lot, good health, and nice folks by our side.

Even then, life will find ways to twist and turn us, cause us to take people, experiences, and the world around us for granted. It is an impossible task to maintain a constant sense of certainty and stability when most of us will have to deal with the wrath of life. Of hurt, of pain, of suffering, and folly.

So you can wake up early, strive, get the degrees, and love people as hard as you want, but sometimes we will all still end up at the bottom, striving, dreaming, recollecting ourselves, and starting all over again and again and again.

Do your best to live truthfully to yourself, and I think life becomes a little easier, at the very least, from the experiential level; otherwise, you’ll be doomed to keep pushing the boulder up the hill like Sisyphus, and instead of imagining him happy, you’ll discover that it is a constant source of grief and punishment. The best we can hope for is that others will be around when the weight becomes too much and sit and root us on when they can, but the only certainty of this life is suffering and pain.

The rest is just the good bits, and in my experience, it doesn’t matter how hard you work, but how hard you love under the circumstances of deep, sustainable pain and grief.

Wishing you all strength and fortitude of spirit, will, body, and mind.